I first have to say Happy Mother’s Day!! It’s a wonderful day for me since it’s my second year as a mom, last year Olivia was still a little baby and right now, I’m feeling so celebrated by her and my hubby, and she’s talking a lot more, so aware of everything now. I couldn’t go by this special date without thinking about motherhood and all the things I have learned in this year and a half as a mom, a new woman, a wife and even as a daughter myself.
I think having a baby has been the experience that has changed my life the most. It’s one of the most drastic changes in your life and it’s because it changes every aspect of your life. I mean, there isn’t a single facet that won’t be touched. For me, it has been the beginning of a huge learning process, to know myself better, self-improving every day, to dig on those topics I wouldn’t do before, and to deal with different issues I didn’t know were there and try to look for the best way to solve them.
So, I made this list about what I’ve learned and still learning about the mommy’s life. Here we go:
- Never feel guilty about investing in yourself: time, love, things and even money. A happy mom means happy kids, if you have your tank full you have love, patience, happiness and good things to share with your kiddos.
- Be kind to yourself: As a mom it’s so easy to be unconsciously self-judgmental. But you know what? We are doing our best job, better than you think. Keep giving your 100% and tell yourself you are doing a great job, because you are!
- Have time for you at least once a week: And I have to agree, the more the better, meditate, do exercise, go with girlfriends or watch Netflix, anything that means quality-time for you. Ask for help to have time alone and enjoy it mindfully it will make you better mom in the end.
- Date your husband/partner every week: Probably one of the toughest! Continuously working on this one as it has been quite difficult to be disciplined about it when every week is different and even with the everyday crazy schedule. But we always try to find some time alone, usually at night, where we seat and talk (no devices in between), that way you can reconnect and fill your emotional tank. And overall, try to laugh together. Sometimes we might go for days without any quality-time alone (even working together all day long) but then laughing about something or having some silly time makes me feel engaged again and happy to be together. Parenthood is already serious and brings tons of momentous changes, so why be so over-serious the whole time, it’s healthy to drop some humor and silliness from time to time before it gets too stressful, boring and weary.
- Have a support network: I’m a shy kind of person and before being a mom I’d easily get isolated for long periods of time being merged in my art world just doing my own things alone. After being a mom, I realized it’s good to have a women tribe to raise kids, you will need tips, an extra hands, someone who just listens or someone you can ask for a remedy for your baby at midnight. So, having a support group is a must in a mom’s life.
- Don’t compare yourself, nor your kids. I’m good at not comparing Olivia with other kids, I love her and I know she’s a unique masterpiece by the Creator, but not comparing myself is something I’m still working on, and trying so hard. I can be quite demanding with myself and always thinking I could do everything better, so this topic is still in process.
- Let your husband/partner do it. As moms we feel the pressure to do it all, and it’s ok to give space for daddy to do it. Also, let him do it his way and relax, kids loves having variety and daddy always find lovely and funny ways to do the things, which is great.
- Keep doing the things you love: Yes motherhood changes it all, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on the things you love and make you happy. Anything that makes you feel alive will do an echo on your children. Again Happy Mom = Happy children.
Lay down your expectations: Being a mom is beautiful as long as you don’t have the perfect image of how it should be and just enjoy what it is. Expectations about you, about your husband, about your kids and even about all the world that surrounds us, it’s always good to go with some ease about it.
- Choose love over guiltyness: When Olivia was born she had a special condition in her eyes that we had to addressed with a surgery during her first month. Then she got colic and cried for 3 hours daily. Then she got sick with a terrible cold that lasted for about an entire month, I was feeling so guilty for all these things, I felt everything was my fault and I wasn’t enjoying motherhood at all. Then I understood I’m doing my best and these things just happen, what I can do is help her to feel better and be by her side. So right now, I officially decided to choose love over guiltyness when a hard situation is happening: a fall, sickness, crying, pain, even a tantrum. The best way to act is by love.
- And a BONUS lesson!! Never ever go out of the bathroom after being completely ready: Or you won’t feel dressed the whole day! Just a humor here to finish my list, but completely TRUTH! Take a bath, enjoy every minute of it, but seriously, open the door until you’re finished!
On motherhood some lessons are more difficult than others, but all of them are beautiful. I know I’m just starting on my motherhood and have a long run ahead but the best thing is to learn with each step.
What are your lessons learned? What’s been the most difficult to get through?